Loveless leadership
Andrew was a leader with impressive expertise. He had the sharpest mind — his ability to dig through data and chaos, to connect disparate bits of information and to design strategies to push his department forward was undeniable.
He was “always on”, investing all his energy and time into his work. His interventions in meetings were rich opportunities for others to learn — his experience shined through everything he put forward in the conversation.
Despite all this, Andrew’s team was unsuccessful. Their results were either lagging or downright deteriorating — and their morale was visibly corroded. People were leaving or failing.
Andrew didn’t get it.
Andrew’s manager didn’t get it — in theory, all the right prerequisites for performance were there — but something simply didn’t click.
When a leader looks at their goals and targets, they can look at them in 3 different ways:
- “Here’s what I need to do to keep my job title and my salary”
- “Here’s what I need to do to please my boss(es)”
- “Here’s what I need to do to effect positive change for our clients and employees.”
As you have probably already sensed while reading them, there is a difference of energy in each level.
At the 1st level, the energy behind the behaviour is survive, fight, defend.
At the 2nd level, the energy behind the behaviour is prove, impress, wow.
At the 3rd level, the energy behind the behaviour is serve, transform, give.
For most of us, not just leaders, there is a tendency to invest our energy at the top 2 levels.
When we do that, we believe our results lie only in balance sheets, and the % salary increase we’ve received — and lose focus on the real life impact we are having in the work and lives of the people around us, whether they are clients or employees and peers.
When we ignore the 3rd level, our leadership becomes stale.
Our leadership becomes loveless — loveless not just to others, but to ourselves.
Leaders usually end up ignoring this third level by a slow and systematic process of disconnection: from their own needs, values and passions.
They become disconnected from one of the most important KPIs in a business: how people feel.
For loveless leadership, emotions are noise and distraction.
For loving leadership, emotions are a goldmine of deeper understanding and energy creation to pursue goals.
When your team feels safety deep in their bones, their energy doesn’t get lost in survival and defence mode, but gets invested in their goals and growth.
Love is the single most important competitive advantage you can tap into: when your goal is to ensure your team feels you care about them more than anyone else could, they will stick with you even when their inbox gets flooded with offers far above what they’re currently receiving.
When your clients sense your undeniable dedication to their success, not just their payments to your business, they know they have found a partner for long term growth, rather than just one of the many providers.
Loving leadership stems from:
- inside, in showing consideration for your own self, for your happiness and peace of mind
- outside, by company wide cultural norms and habits which show undeniable, genuine care for people.
Loveless leadership is depleting: you are depleting yourself, and you are depleting the resources people who work with you have. The energy of loveless leadership comes from pressure, threat and fight — and that can get you through the sprint, but not the marathon.
Loving leadership is regenerative: it is a self renewing, self sustainable resource that fuels meaningful success. When you instill love in every decision and action, your energy level does not deplete — it gets amplified.
Loving leadership is not something reserved for the elites — you don’t have to have an upper leadership role, in fact, you don’t need to have any leadership role to exhibit loving leadership.
Loving leadership is a value you choose to follow in your daily work — it is a simple choice, but a radical choice — which brings perceivable change.
Loving leadership makes it possible for us all to live in companies and societies which feel nurturing and wholesome; as Betty Bender so beautifully writes:
When people go to work, they shouldn’t have to leave their hearts at home.
